The experience of being a parent, and especially a mother, brings a tremendous deal of pleasure. According to many mothers, the feeling of holding their newborn child in their arms for the first time is a level of ecstasy that is only rivaled by a select few other things in the world. On the other side, it is also a huge duty and a significant amount of exhaustion since you can’t really explain to a young kid that a mother has to at least take some time off to relax.
The idea that both parents need to provide an equal amount of their time and energy to the upbringing of a kid is becoming more prevalent in today’s environment. At the very least, it seems to be fully fair. But under the model of parenting referred to as “default parenting,” which is still the model that is most prevalent, unfortunately, the majority of the work falls on mothers. And even though the father has good intentions, there are situations when he really makes the situation worse.
Take, for instance, the case of Rebecca Craig, whose video on TikTok has lately gone viral, with over 2.3 million views and around 400 thousand likes. No, Rebecca was not venting her frustrations; rather, she was only articulating what she often means when she refers to “hurtful helping.”
The original poster wanted to take a short vacation since she was feeling burdened with the responsibility of caring for her 10-month-old kid.
The child that Rebecca and her husband have is ten months old at this point and, as is the case with all infants, needs round-the-clock care. Because of this, the mother has been experiencing feelings of exhaustion for a considerable amount of time, and one day she made the decision to place the infant in his crib so that she might have at least 10 minutes of relaxation and a snack to herself.
Even though the OP’s spouse offered his assistance, it did not result in anything positive at all.
Crying out loud was the only option open to the youngster at this age when he attempted to get his parent’s attention, so of course, he did that right away. As if she hadn’t heard it herself, Rebecca’s husband, who had remained home to help care for the baby, instantly came over and announced that the boy was crying. Rebecca’s husband had stayed home to help care for the baby.
The mother candidly revealed that she is utterly weary and that she needs at least 10 minutes to eat by herself before continuing on with the day. The guy offered his assistance, which the wife, who was in a difficult situation, graciously accepted. However, less than two minutes had gone when Rebecca’s husband came to her and… gave her a sobbing baby, stating that he could not quiet the baby down and simply did not know how to do it. The baby was wailing because her husband did not know how to calm him down.
The mother said that this is precisely the kind of behavior that she refers to as “hurtful helping.”
When someone seems to want to help you out of good intentions, but because of their own incompetence, they make it even worse than it was before – after all, the mother was already psychologically tuned in to such a rare opportunity for herself to take a small break. In general, as Rebecca herself says, this is a classic example of what she likes to call “hurtful helping,” which is when someone seems to want to help you out of good intentions, but because of their own incompetence, they make it
The video posted by the OP prompted a significant amount of conversation as well as some fascinating video replies.
The video that Rebecca posted quickly went viral and prompted a flurry of conversation on TikTok. Resonant was, for instance, this video comment from a nurse named Deborah, who referred to what took place between Rebecca and her husband as “default parenting syndrome” and argued that this was not even “weaponized ineptitude.”
As a result, according to Deborah, it seems that most of all it is a scenario in which they purportedly offer a helping hand to you, and when you extend your hand in return, it is brutally poked with a needle. The lady is aware that now a large group of people would come to her in the comments and say “that’s why you’re not married,” but she wanted to voice her point of view nevertheless since many women are really exhausted from parenting simply because their spouses do not support them. Or they give the impression that they are helping but in reality, they are simply doing damage.
The experts agree that a caring discourse between couples is very necessary for these types of circumstances.
In circumstances like these, it is only natural for couples to feel compelled to discuss it more often. Laurel Sims-Stewart is a therapist at Bridge Counseling and Wellness as well as the Community Outreach Director. She urges the parent clients she works with who also have partners to have a compassionate dialogue with their partners in which they seek help in explicit ways. During an interview with Mother United, Laurel offered the following advice: “Find concrete tasks that you can ask them to take on.” Because your spouse may not always know what you want, identifying your need and asking for assistance with several duties may be beneficial to both of you. “Your partner may not always know what you want.”
The majority of individuals who left comments agreed with the OP, and several of those people also related their own experiences that were comparable.
It is necessary to point out that the vast majority of commenters who backed Rebecca were female; nonetheless, it is important to note that the majority of these commenters were women. For instance, one reader said that her father still brags about the fact that he never changed her or her brother’s diapers when they were little. And a few of the commentators have pointed out that circumstances like these are an additional reason why they do not want kids.
And some of the readers, for some reason, attacked Rebecca for just leaving a wailing baby in his crib. This was another one of her mistakes, they said. In response to this, several individuals have raised the valid point that those who condemn the mother for this, while the mother herself is feeling weary, are also contributing factors to the issue.