Hayley Folk is candid about her relationship.
Folk, 30, is a bisexual polyamorous lady engaged in an ethical non-monogamous relationship with her spouse. Folk has spent almost the last decade reconciling with their polyamorous and morally non-monogamous identity while seeking partnerships that align with their preferences.
Folk engages in discussions with individuals only around her lifestyle, the rationale for sharing her material, and her aspirations for what audiences may glean from her videos and essays.
In her first marriage, her spouse initiated an open relationship, believing it aligned with her desires.
“Initially, I was uninformed and lacked direction; however, after two years in an open relationship followed by an open marriage, I recognized my polyamorous identity upon our marriage,” she articulates to PEOPLE. The relationship ended for many reasons, one being that my ex-husband recognized his preference for monogamy, and we acknowledged our incompatibility. We married at a young age, after which I relocated to New York.
Upon relocating to New York, Folk started dating and met her current spouse, Kyle, with whom she has maintained transparency from the outset of their relationship. Subsequently, Folk started professional writing about her life online, seeing it as a “therapeutic processing endeavor.” This year, she began disseminating films on her polyamorous existence online and expanded her audience, providing an authentic glimpse into her life.
She gets several comments on her material, both favorable and unfavorable. She has cultivated a network of individuals who have identified as polyamorous and are interested in ethical non-monogamy via her platform. Folk has successfully dispelled myths about the nature of polyamory and ethical non-monogamy, including the notion that “polyamory merely serves as an overt declaration of a desire to cheat, which is inaccurate.”
Ethical non-monogamy is a broad concept, whereas polyamory refers to the capacity to love numerous individuals simultaneously. An someone may be polyamorous while engaged in a closed relationship. The capacity for polyamory and ethical non-monogamy enables individuals to be candid about their desires.
Folk aspires to popularize ethical non-monogamy via her content creation.
It need not be a subject that is considered taboo. It need not serve as a discussion catalyst or an object of collective fascination,” she says. Over time, I have discovered that, similar to queerness, polyamory may be a normative phenomenon. Embracing this lifestyle necessitates the capacity to reconcile with it, since we all navigate our lives in the manner we see most effective.
While it differs across relationships, Folk indicates that she and her husband establish mutual norms, which she recognizes as subject to change over time.
We consistently communicate with one another before to and after dates with others. Check-in may be conducted by SMS, FaceTime, or in person,” she elucidates. “We prioritize the opportunity to establish intentions and engage in mutual check-ins beforehand, a practice to which we adhere rigorously.”
Folk elucidates that during these check-ins, they assess the relational dynamics to confirm they are allocating sufficient time to one another.
Folk’s paramount counsel for those in long-term monogamous relationships contemplating non-monogamy is to “proceed with patience.”
Reduced speed is preferable. Consider collaboratively constructing a dating profile and browsing through profiles together, envisioning potential matches. “Sit down and enumerate every conceivable scenario that instills fear in you, and discuss those matters candidly,” she elaborates. Individuals sometimes disclose their feelings to preserve their connection or meet their partner’s requirements, although they often neglect to address their anxieties. Accessing and maintaining such talks prior to taking any action is the most beneficial approach.
She moreover advises couples to contemplate engaging a therapist who specializes in and comprehends alternative relationship dynamics.
“You require an individual who can genuinely comprehend the situation and approaches it from an entirely impartial standpoint.”
Folk appreciates several aspects of her partnerships, particularly the absence of the need to conceal any element of herself from her main partner.
“A degree of freedom and transparency emerges when one can express oneself without the need for self-censorship,” Folk states. I can express my true self freely, honestly, and truthfully, including the relationships I want with others, and that is OK. It does not imply that there is something off with our connection or that it is detrimental.
Folk claims that the most challenging aspect of her relationship is the “judgment from society.”
“I have cultivated a robust resilience over the years.” Folk reflects, “I engage in this online discourse for a purpose, and certain remarks are rather severe.” “I would be dishonest if I claimed it did not impact me whatsoever.” For some individuals new to polyamory, the fear of judgment may be the most daunting aspect.
I aspire to assist others. Upon starting my prior marriage, I experienced profound solitude. I was perusing Reddit and adhering to the counsel of unfamiliar individuals. “I was attempting to locate any resources,” Folk states. “Individuals frequently fail to comprehend, thus I aim to ensure that at least one person feels less isolated.” That is of significance to me. I want to assist individuals. If I can assist even a single individual via awkward, cringe-inducing, or sometimes poignant films, then that is my intention.
@hayleyfolk Just a girlie helping other girlies find their people 🌈💐✨🫶🏼 It took me years of trial and error and lots of questioning to find myself — and now, I want to help make it easier for everyone else. 🫡 #polyamory #wlw #bigirl #bigirls #bisexual🏳️🌈 #polyamorous #polyamorytiktok #polyamorousrelationship #openrelationships #identity #relationshiptips #enm #monogamy #polyam ♬ Grapejuice speed audio – 1D Audioz