When women provide support for one another, whether it’s a friend assisting another friend or a stranger expressing assistance to someone she doesn’t know, it is a source of inspiration. One of the women described in this article left a note for her ex-boyfriend’s prospective girlfriend in a covert manner. In the letter, she gave her ex-boyfriend a heads-up about what to anticipate and shared some ideas from her own experiences. This powerful example of solidarity was shared on Reddit by the new girlfriend, who received numerous supportive messages and opinions from the online community.
As she put it:
“My boyfriend Steve (30m) and I (28f) have been together for 2 years and have been living together for 8 months. I was cleaning our apartment when I found a note in the back of a cabinet that read:
I am writing to Steve’s future girlfriend.
Because he would never clean back here, I am certain that you are the one reading this. I’m putting this here because I’m leaving him soon and want to warn you about him:
1-He will not clean;
2-He will not listen;
3-He will make everything feel like it’s your fault;
It’s not your fault, he’s just an incompetent man. I’m going to leave him, and I recommend that you do the same.
Warmest regards, A. Natalia'”
She added:
“After reading the message, I took it to him so that I could see his reaction and hear his reaction. He immediately ripped it up and said not to listen to it, that she was crazy and untrustworthy. I told him that the fact that he hasn’t found the note in the 5 years since they broke up is a red flag to me because it does mean he’s never cleaned back there and that he has been cleaning less and less since I moved in.
He told me this is just his ex continuing to manipulate and ruin his life, and I was letting it work. We continued to argue along the same lines, and I eventually left to spend the night at a friend’s place.
Steve has been a great boyfriend so far. He gets along with my family. He has given me gifts and flowers and always tells me how much he loves me. He’s not wrong that the cleaning hasn’t really been brought up before, but the note made me realize it had been less and less and that we needed to have a full conversation about this.”
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She proceeded to clarify further:
After that, he sent me a text message stating that he is sorry that I felt like I had to go, but that it is a mistake for me to take a note over our two-year relationship and to leave him and our dogs alone. What should I do or what should I believe at this moment? I am at a loss. I’m thinking of making an effort to locate Natalia and get in touch with her.
things is Steve’s opinion that I should return to my hometown and let things go, that his history should not have any bearing on our future. It seems as like he is trying to convince me that his former partner was manipulative and nasty during their whole relationship, but I am not sure what to believe.
Around eight months ago, when we moved in together, we split the cleaning duties equally. Since that time, he has been doing things far less often. In the past, I didn’t have to remind him to do things like bring his dishes to the sink or take out the garbage, but now I have to tell him to do such things. Unless I take care of the dishes, they will continue to build up, to the point where he has had mold on the plates that contain leftover meals.
She went on to say:
“Since I am not the kind of person to engage in conflict, I was just requesting that he repair it as it came up. The message prompted me to think about it more and to make an effort to have a discussion that was really complete, but I must admit that I did not feel like I was being listened to when I discussed it with him.
I attempted to use the message to initiate a talk about cleanliness, but he became so fixated on the idea that I was listening to his ex rather than him that he refused to listen to what I consider to be legitimate concerns. He believes that I am allowing the note to have “confirmation bias,” which means that regardless of what he says, I will always believe that he is in the wrong.
Also, I did not leave him permanently; all of this took place yesterday, and I just slept at a friend’s house for one night since I didn’t feel like our talk was going anywhere last night, and he wouldn’t let me sleep until I broke up with him. I am going to return today, and before I do so, I would want to get some guidance and comments.
