You give your partner a piece of your heart, and in certain relationships, you may even let them sleep in your bed or pet your dog. However, once you get beyond the things that you are comfortable sharing, there is a lot of room for interpretation. Are those toothbrushes? What are they? Sweatshirts, perhaps? Are we pals? Everything is open to interpretation, but following a set of guidelines helps couples connect on a deeper level. Maintaining your independence is essential, despite the fact that it is unavoidable for you and your spouse to share at least some aspects of your life. In order to provide couples with a general outline for jointly determining their personal limits, Bustle sent questions to a panel of experts on what kinds of information should and should not be discussed with a romantic partner. Because these discussions aren’t always interesting or obvious, and because it’s simple to get into poor habits that are hard to stop, and because it’s easy to do so.
According to clinical psychologist Alexandra R. Lash, it is acceptable for one couple’s taboo topics to be acceptable for discussion in the context of another couple’s relationship. The feeling of fairness must be present for both parties in a relationship for the process of creating boundaries to be considered successful. In this article, with the assistance of Dr. Lash, Dr. Niket Sonpal, an internist and gastroenterologist, Ed Shaheen, Jr., DDS, MS, and Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist, we have compiled a list of objects that people often feel protective about and developed well-balanced opinions on each of them. It is not necessary for you and your spouse to communicate your innermost thoughts and emotions to one another just because you are in a relationship that allows for such intimacy.
1. Passwords & Devices
When it comes to sharing your passwords for your phone, computer, and other devices, Lash says that the decision should truly be based on what is most convenient for the particular pair. Lash tells Bustle that “it’s up to the culture of your relationship,” going on to clarify that whatever feels comfortable is what’s proper. “It’s up to the culture of your relationship,” Lash tells Bustle. “Relationships are about being in touch with each other’s world, but having respect for individuality and privacy, too,” argues Lash. And although she does not believe that it is beneficial to share all of your personal talks with your spouse, she does believe that it is essential to investigate each other’s emotions in the event that there is a difference of opinion on the issue as well as different values and degrees of comfort.
2. Bathroom Space & Habits
According to Lash, the amount of comfort one has when it comes to using a restroom or having similar hygienic practices with another person varies from person to person. “When it comes to toilet routines, some individuals may not have as high of a standard of privacy because they grew up with many siblings or little bathroom space, while other people may grow up with the option to use the bathroom discreetly and depend on that solitude to feel comfortable. Or, one partner may have grown up in a family culture that places a high importance on openness, but they may not have appreciated it as a child and now feel the need for greater solitude in their adult life, or vice versa. Lash will now explain. That is to say, there is no general guideline that can be used to determine what behaviors are and are not acceptable in the restroom.
While some couples are comfortable doing bathroom activities together, such as brushing their teeth or talking while one partner is using the restroom or showering, other couples would rather keep their bathroom routines to themselves. It is necessary to discuss your comfort level with your spouse. This does not mean that you should be able to use the restroom in front of your partner; rather, it means that you should be able to discuss what is and is not pleasant for both of you. “It is important to discuss your comfort level with your partner.”
3. Razors
It might appear to be harmless, and we’ve all done it or thought about it in a pinch when there’s only one razor in the shower, but Sonpal tells Bustle that “borrowing your partner’s razor for a quick touch up could spread not only bacteria, but it could also spread more serious blood-borne pathogens like hepatitis B and C.”
4. Nail Clippers
Nail clippers are not something that should be shared with your spouse.
A nick in the skin caused by unintentional usage of nail clippers has the potential to develop into something far more dangerous for the majority of individuals. It is possible, according to Sonpal’s statements to Bustle, to “spread hepatitis C, fungal, and bacterial infections” via the use of nail clippers.
5. Friends & Social Lives
Despite the fact that Lash believes that having “mutual connections can be ideal,” she acknowledges that it is essential for partners in a relationship to spend time apart with their own groups of friends. In light of the above, nothing is officially required when it comes to breaking up or sharing your social life; as long as both parties are content with the breakup, it is OK. Extreme conditions are the only thing that cause Lash any worry. As an example, “regularly excluding your partner from your life is not acceptable, but maintaining separate social lives to some degree is acceptable.” Lash believes that the objective ought to be to develop social behaviors that provide the impression of being fair to each partner.
6. Antiperspirant
According to Sonpal, even though you probably don’t consider your armpits to be a source of germs, they really are. It’s as simple as borrowing someone else’s antiperspirant to transfer germs from one person’s armpit to another’s. Because they often include alcohol as their primary ingredient, deodorants pose less of a health concern when they are shared. Your skin will become acidic and less appealing to microorganisms as a result of the alcohol. Antiperspirants are a whole other category since they often include aluminum, which inhibits sweat pores while leaving germs unaffected. Therefore, if you take antiperspirant, keep it to yourself under all circumstances. According to Sonpal, it is one of the items in your medical cabinet that has the highest number of germs and bacteria.
7. Earbuds
Although it may seem like borrowing headphones is a risk-free activity, Sonpal advises Bustle that you should avoid doing so. “Earphones prevent the once-harmless germs in earwax from escaping, despite the fact that earwax serves as natural ear protection. This bacterium is harbored and multiplied by any wax that has built up on the earbuds, which may result in infections. It is recommended that you clean your own headphones on a regular basis and that you keep them to yourself.
8. Toothbrushes
According to Dr. Shaheen, the use of another person’s toothbrush is a far more dangerous practice than exchanging spit with that person, despite the fact that the former may appear to be exactly the same thing. “If you use something for oral health, don’t share it with anyone,” Shaheen tells Bustle, regardless of how much you love them. “If you use something for oral health, don’t share it with anyone.” If you want to keep your mouth clean, you shouldn’t put the germs of other people in it. This will have the opposite effect.
It is crucial to establish clear boundaries when you spend time with your spouse in the same living area since doing so will not only assure your comfort and pleasure, but it will also protect your health. It is never too late to have a meaningful conversation about what you should and should not share with your spouse if you live together but have yet to have the conversation. In addition, if you and your partner are spending a lot of time together and things are starting to become serious, you should take the time to define these limits so that you and your spouse do not develop unhealthy behaviors together.